Photo by Kat Smith
As adults, there are things that we do not wish to speak of (whether because it’s embarrassing, shameful, etc.) and try to steer any topic of it in any direction; now, imagine the quiet fear of abuse in children who don’t tell what atrocities they’ve been through.
Author Cynthia J. Giachino used to be one of those kids, and she shares the horrors she’s been through in her book Quiet. Fear.: An Autobiographical Novel. In the book, she uses a character named Lilly, who serves as her heart and eyes in the dark underworld of terror she lived in. Cynthia takes readers on a journey of self-care and healing they won’t soon forget.
Today, we’ll be talking about the principal theme present in the book, which is: why don’t children tell others and adults about the abuse they’ve been through?
Why Would Children Hide Their Abuse From Other People?
According to a study posted on PubMed titled Sexual Assault Disclosure In Relation to Adolescent Mental Health: Results from the National Survey of Adolescents, around 73% of kids don’t share any information about sexual abuse during the first year. Once five years have passed, around 45% of youngsters don’t disclose what happened to them, while some never disclose any information.
The Different Reasons Why Children Don’t Talk About Abuse
While we can speculate the possible reasons for this, experts have tried to narrow down the most likely explanations. Here are some of the reasons why children don’t find it in themselves to discuss their abuse:
1. They Were Groomed at a Very Young Age
Children often experience grooming at a very young age. Unfortunately, the ones grooming them are often their guardians, parents, or family relatives since they’re the closest to the kids. Grooming is the act of earning the young victim’s trust so that they would comply with the abuser, or in this case, the groomer.
Cynthia J. Giachino explores some of her experiences with grooming. The explanation behind why grooming reduces the chances of the child sharing details about the quiet fear of abuse. What makes grooming so dangerous is that it can happen in an extremely short amount of time or by interacting with a kid in numerous instances.
2. Love for the Abuser or Predator
Love is a compelling motivator encouraging children to remain quiet about the abuse. The unfortunate truth is that around 90% of every sexually abused youngster knows, loves, or trusts the one harming them. Due to the intense feelings of love that kids have, they often tend to keep the abuse a secret.
3. Children are Told to Keep the Abuse a Secret
Manipulation is one of the main tools that predators use to instruct kids so that the abuse remains a secret. They often tell children it’s something special that only the two know. This type of tactic is utilized frequently, particularly with young kids.
4. Feelings of Shame Engulfs Them
Victims of abuse, regardless of age, can go through feelings of shame, humiliation, or embarrassment. Sometimes, these feelings get so strong they override the decision to talk about the abuse to someone else. There are adverse effects brought up by shaming that the child will carry to adulthood.
For example, shaming might make a kid feel incapable of changing. Not everyone can be, or is, a star athlete or student. It’s a given that everybody makes mistakes even if they give 110% of their effort. Shaming might make a more sensitive child feel that they’re not good enough or a failure.
5. Abuse Use Threats and Fear to Silence
One more nefarious tactic abusers utilize is to instill fear into the minds of the children they’re abusing by threatening them. Threats can manifest in many forms, including mental, physical, and verbal. Abusers can even threaten to hurt those important to the victims to “keep them in line.”
Conveying the message that items or privileges will be withheld from kids if they don’t obey the abuser is also another form of abuse. There are moments when the child is intimidated or scared of their abusers. Children are small, and their strengths haven’t fully developed, so defending themselves would be difficult.
Let Us Be Thoughtful of Kids and Keep Them Safe
We have a job to keep children safe and can do that by being thoughtful of them. Let’s check on them frequently, build trust, and ensure that they’re safe with us. Cynthia J. Giachino’s autobiography shows how vital being thoughtful to children is.
By being thoughtful of children, we can notice something wrong, address it, and help them. We can ultimately save them from suffering the quiet fear of abuse and teach kids how to be brave!
Alex Writes 